The Doctor
Since you will hear this very frequently, might as well define it.
The Space | noun
The place where I satisfy my curiosity, the platform where I meet people to fill in the answers I needed.
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A couple of days passed by with me exploring this curiosity, for it felt like I am barely scratching the surface of a huge revelation I am yet to discover. I frequented going to The Space and again, met varied, bizarre, interesting people, but no one enough to command my mind and leave a strong impression. I tried a different approach this time and went to The Space at an unusual time, curious to see who comes in, what desires they hold. If you are wondering, I usually go to The Space mostly at night. I was not particularly looking and did not call any attention to myself, since I’m just mostly curious really. Given my name, I do attract attention already without even calling them to myself. My stay at The Space was particularly uneventful for the first few minutes… until The Doctor came in.
He did reach out to me first, and as much I do not take everything at face value, given the type of place The Space is, when he did mention being a real doctor, I did not actually believe it. I went along with the facade he gave me, but also, given that I myself come from a medical background, I did ask challenging questions that would give him away, if he indeed is not a real doctor as he claims to be. It also happened that he is in the same specialty as where I am in, and that gave me the audacity to ask him straight up if what he says is real. He was brave to say yes and even gave me a name and a location. He gave the information very nonchalantly, as if me knowing won’t faze him. I stepped up to his challenge and searched him openly with his name, his specialty and his location, and I have to admit, I was not at all prepared with what I found out — he is as real as he says.
It did give me my second realization — I desire an honest, real man. Not someone with a facade to satisfy me, but someone flesh and blood real.
I was very, very flustered at the discovery of the truth, mostly because his honesty caught me off guard, given again the type of place The Space is, but mostly because I myself have not been completely honest with him, or anybody for that matter. I thought that here at The Space, you can be honest with what you desire while covered in anonymity; you can be someone you are not, or not brave enough to be, in real life. I can say that as far as experience and the desire, I am completely open and honest with everyone I meet in The Space, but not — never — my real identity. I did tell him I am amazed at his courage to show his real self, and again, being the confident person he is, what I said and know did not faze him at all. However, he issued me a challenge — to come clean with who I am. I have been a quid-pro-quo person for most of my entire life, and I thought that it should be fair enough to tell him who I really am, given that he opened himself with no expectations if I am really the person who I was telling him that I am. After a couple of seconds of firming my resolve, I came clean and told him my real name. And I think, that’s when everything changed. Now that we are faced with the truth of each other, I felt I can never come back. I can never walk away as easy as before with other people. Once the truth was out in the open, there was no way to hide it again. And I assume, or think, that he felt the same. The most trivial discovery I also had is how my body responds to this overwhelming realization — my neck has been hot and constantly flushed, my face burning red.
We continue to talk, or I would say tease, each other, given that both of us are at places not proper to even have this discussion. I was so flustered the whole time, so much that I was willing my blood from not rushing to my neck and face the entire time, only if it will find the obedience it should have. I was anxious, or probably excited, if someone is to ask what’s going on, because I rarely get flustered at work. I have built a tough work reputation — merciless even — for new people I meet, and being flustered like this is unbecoming of me. More so, to my disadvantage, I cannot lie to anyone blatantly. Never. It is a life skill that, alas, I have never learned — so not only I am anxious to be seen this flustered, I’m more anxious to be asked the reason for this, as I don’t know what sane and acceptable explanation I should give (While I am writing this, I was reminded of that day and here I am, neck and face flushed of the memory). Minutes did pass by quickly with this back-and-forth conversations with The Doctor and finally it was time to leave work. I was about to say my farewells and thank him for a very interesting day he gave me, but he pushed the challenge to a bigger scale — continuing this over the phone. I already pushed boundaries I never thought I would break, and if this happens, this will top all the limits I am breaking. Up to this moment though, I don’t know what possessed me, probably because of how confident (borderline cocky) he is — again, I took his challenge and said yes.
Then minutes after, I got a call from an unknown number, from a location I know, from a person I definitely know.
Hearing his voice definitely doubled the heat in my neck and face; worse than that, hearing him say hello made me at loss for words, which again, is unbecoming of me. I am never to be one who is at loss for words. If earlier, given the knowledge of who he really is made me felt this is real, hearing his voice in real time made it more intense (Again, while I continue to type this, my neck continues to burn). He sounded amused by my inability to respond and again, not being able to bluff and lie upfront, I responded by telling him how… real this feels. I was so flustered (I realize how many times I’ve said it already, but please bear with me, as this is the closest word I can think of to describe how I felt) that I even blurted out that this is the first time I’m in a situation like this and I am at loss at what to say and react. He said that it is the same for him — I would have doubted him given normal circumstances, but given how forefront he is even from the beginning, I didn’t doubt what he said — and is also curious how this unfolds. He requested to see me over the phone. If it’s possible to triple the heat my neck is enduring, it probably did — and again for reasons I am not aware — I agreed. I was, in all honesty, burning with curiosity to see the face behind the mind I am speaking to, and very anxious at the same time of my own reaction to the truth I am about to see. Then I saw the prompt from my phone requesting him to see me. I accept, and my phone is flooded by the image of his face.
He is as real as the person he says. He is real as the picture I saw of him. He looks and sounds as real as he claims himself to be. Still in his work clothes, looking exactly as his own picture that he provided me. I am in awe of this man’s confidence. He remains unfazed, even if I am finally seeing him. I’ve never met a man as challenging as him. I’ve never met a man who will make me at loss for words. And I probably — definitely — looked more flustered than I claim to be. I was still walking over to my car and asked him to give me a couple of minutes to go to a safe place and he said he will call back. Very chill, non-expectant, relaxed. I honestly did not expect him to call back, despite him having gained direct access to me.
But he did.
And when he did call back, with his face in display for me, he arrested me with more honesty — this time with the amount of desire he holds for me. He leads me the same way — with such confidence, that he knows that he does not need to be anyone else, or pretend to be someone he’s not — to command and lead me. It did push me to the edge faster than I predicted. Given that he is in a compromising position, he did not give in to his desire, but asked that we speak again. We then part ways that day.
For the rest of the day, I was hot and bothered. I could not rid of the image of him in my mind, the sound of his voice, the look in his eyes, the lick of his tongue with his mouth, his overwhelming confidence. This is a different desire that I am not used to, a desire that I have never experienced, a desire so strong it makes my mouth water, my thighs weak, my now perpetually hot neck, and a special place wet.
Not quite sure what’s with men, but like The Pilot, he gave me a souvenir. His hand, with his jewels, and again — a wedding ring.
This is Day 1.
